Tuesday, October 7, 2008

In case of YUPPIES

Coffee used to be coffee.  You could get it anywhere, anyone could make it, and you pretty much drank it black.  It was either the drink of refined foreigners or some bastardized American working class necessity.  It wasn’t a big deal.  There was no “concept” to it.  Just look at old paintings.  Watch old movies.  Ask your grandparents what coffee “meant” when they were growing up and they will have no idea what the hell you’re asking.

But here were are in 2008 and suddenly I feel like we’ve stepped in some strange land of Oz.  These days, every city is an Emerald City.  And the man behind the curtain?  The man who invented Starbucks. 

Now, I’m not noble.  I like Starbucks as much as the next white, young, urban professional.  I like their big comfy armchairs and their vintagey music.  Hell, I know a few Starbucks employees and I like them too.  They are some cool cats.  I even like Starbucks, dare I say it, coffee.  Yes!  I like it!  But how DO they stay in business when they charge two dollars for a cup of black coffee and I could brew my own coffee for a week for that?   

It’s because, hear me out, they are NOT SELLING COFFEE.

They’re selling STARBUCKS. 

They’re selling an idea.   A concept.  A brand name.  They’re selling the type of person you think you are, or think you want to be, the types of friends you want to have.  See this girl who comes in on her way to pick up her expensive suit at the drycleaners?  See how she can afford to spend five bucks on a grande raspberry soy mocha?  You want to be her.  Or see this guy in his hand-knitted scarf and Sinatra hat?  See how he knows coffee so well that he gets into a conversation with the “barista” behind the counter about how they grind their beans?  Oh yeah.  You definitely need to be friends with him.

But what truly floors me about Starbucks is that they’ve managed not just to attract those of us who fit the profile, but by sheer ubiquitousness, they’ve gotten everyone. 

Big tattooed Hispanics?  Check.  12-year-old girl Bible study groups?  Check.  Homeless/crazy people?  Check. 

Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Starbucks has single-handedly transformed my generation into coffee snobs.  Because even if you never set foot in a Starbucks, you’ve developed some kind of principle about it.  Even if you’re all about “supporting local businesses” and standing up against “the man,” the man has already won.  Hello!  He’s The Man for a reason!  You’ve still got coffeehouse culture in your blood.  Your life is still not complete without the occasional trip to wherever YOUR place is with comfy chairs and vintagey music.  Maybe it doesn’t have those big corporate letters on the sign, but you still believe in the concept of coffee.  Coffee still “means” something to you.

So my advice? 

Hell.  Keep on keeping on.  There’s nothing we can do here.  Starbucks is inevitable.  Don’t fight it.  You’d have better luck fighting global warming or world hunger, and, hey, Starbucks will help you with that. 

As for me, I try to drink my coffee at home.  We buy it cheap and brew it strong, at a one-to-one ratio.  And I’ll swallow it even if it pretty much tastes like shit.

But every Saturday morning, I scrounge up my money, pull on my ruby slippers, get my roommates together, and yep.

We're off to see the wizard.  Just like everyone else. 

1 comment:

kj said...

I appreciate your entry titling method, and I can't wait to see what else emerges over time.

*off to get coffee*